Friday, 3 April 2015


As I walk through our home making a decorating list, memories flood back.

 Kitchen - walls and ceiling to be painted - the heart of the home where so many meals have been cooked and shared.  Images of Xmas and Birthday meals with family around the table, every year the same table, faces getting a little older, new faces joining us, some faces gone forever.

Lounge - touch up the paint where the baby swing was hung in the doorway for the grandchildren - family film nights, Xmas games, dens made for the grandchildren out of the curtains, the sound of baby jackdaws on their nest in the chimney.  Our much missed dog lying in front of the fire.  The Xmas trees, our cat playing in the piles of wrapping paper.

The 'guest' room - paint the skirting boards  - It was once our eldest sons room, full of football posters and computers.   Now it is decorated, neutral pale colours.  The posters are gone, there are still some old computers packed up in the wardrobe.  The nights of teenagers huddled around screens playing games until silly o'clock in the morning are long gone.  The arguments about tidying rooms, picking up washing, taking dirty dishes downstairs are a thing of the past....... but I miss them so much.

Our youngest sons old bedroom - carpet to be cleaned - where he spent many hours when he was too ill to go out.  The worrying, exhausting hours I spent caring for him.  Administrating medical procedures that I learnt so he could be cared for at home and not spend so much time in hospital.  The stains on the carpet from upset drinks and dropped food a reminder of his early teenage years when his friends would fill his room, keeping him up to date on the news from school. Helping him pass the many hours until he was well enough to return.

Our bedroom - paint and tile ensuite - kids piling onto the bed on Xmas morning to open their presents. Waiting to hear their cars after they had been out.  Listening out for youngest son calling for me when he was ill.  The room I was desperate for when lying in a hospital bed.  The sleepless painful nights that followed reassured by being able to reach out my hand and touch my love sleeping next to me.

The stairs - re- varnish bannister - they have lost many of their creaks now they have been repaired, the creaks we heard when our sons friends would leave to go home in the early hours of the morning.  The creaks I would hear that reassured me that our boys were home and I could close my eyes and give in to sleep.

The porch - paint door - now empty of the many huge pairs of trainers that would greet me after work, counting them I would know how many teenage boys would be in the house somewhere.  Our house seemed to be the one they all congregated in after school and often stayed for dinner.  Reminding them to tell their mums where they were and wouldn't be home for dinner.

My sewing room - walls to paint - where many of the crafts and quilts that fill our home were created, listening to Womens Hour, afternoon dramas and the Book Club on Radio 4 as my sewing machine whirred.  The joy of discovering quilting began in this room.

 It has been an emotional experience and every now and then I have a moment of doubt.  Do I really want to move?  Our home holds so many memories, good and bad.  When we moved in my mum was in her last year, dad brought her up to see our new home but by then her mind had gone and she didn't understand where she was, or even who we were.  In the last years of my dads life he came to our house for Sunday roasts, birthday meals and helped in the garden.  This is the last home we shared with our children, it will be strange moving to a new home where they have never lived, that has never been their home. Will our new house be our 'family' home?  It is not only leaving our home, but part of our lives that we cannot bring back.  Time has flown, I wish I could go back and live it all again, savour every minute, but I have to look forward.

Tell me dear friends, do you still live in the 'family' home or have you moved?  What are your experiences, good move or do you regret it?  I'm torn at the moment.

Chickpea xx


  1. Oh heck, you've got me worried about moving now!
    I think you can only do what you think is right at the time - without later regrets

  2. My parents live in the house my grandparents owned and one of my brothers bought their house from them (the house we grew up in and both my brother and I were born in).

    I think it's been a double-edged sword for my brother as it feels that my parents have never really let it go, so they have strong opinions about what he does with it. Mind you, they're like that about my garden!

  3. I've just got home from being away. I love my home very much - I have raised my children here and it's full of memories, BUT I long to move. This house has been perfect in so many ways but we are entering a new stage in our lives and that means a move. I will no doubt feel just like you when it comes to moving, but I can also hardly wait!

  4. When we moved from the family home I walked round every room like you, but no regrets now it was our time to make new memories and make a new home for us. :-)

  5. I agree with Dawn. Life changes, we change - life is to be lived for the moment. Memories remain, edpecially if you have photo's of those rooms / moments.

    But, we can't live in the past - otherwise what is the point of the present / future.

    My advice, look forward to all those memories you still have to make :)

  6. I lived in a tied house when I was working and it was a tremendous wrench to leave it but I had no choice. I'm now glad I moved when I did. I have a home for my future; the past is the business of my memory and my photograph album.

  7. I had to leave our 'family' home after a divorce from the 'prat' of a first husband that house held memories of family no longer with us and my children growing up and this house needed a lot of work to be done on it to make it 'ours' but the move was the best thing I ever did - you will build new memories - this house is about grown up children getting married and moving on and then our new grandchildren and I'm probably happier here than I ever was at the old house - you'll always have your happy memories, nothing can take them away from you and you don't need those particular bricks and mortar to remember those special times and people - let go, move on and enjoy the experience xxx

  8. That post really resonated with me. Myself and my husband and three sons live in my paternal grandparents home that we now own. I feel very much part of this home and its history . Change can be great , but it is an emotional process of letting go.

  9. Will our new house be our 'family' home? It is not only leaving our home, but part of our lives that we cannot bring back. Time has flown, I wish I could go back and live it all again, savour every minute, but I have to look forward

    You'll make it your home. Home is the memories in your head, not the "bricks and mortar" that formed the backdrop.

    I'm not sentimental in this regard... whenever mom needed money, she'd sell the house and we'd move to a fixer-upper. I learned how to spackle walls as a kid. Every place moved to became a social hub, as the door was always open to friends.

  10. My X would by a house then we would move in and live through all his fixes and then when it became wonderful he would sell it and we would start again. We had moved so many times.
    In 1993 a stupid idiot decided he should start a fire in Laguna Canyon. 441 homes were burned and my was one of them in the massive wildfire. Not just our home but the special letters my Mum wrote to the children before she died, the Family Baptism gown, the old photos of my childhood, the few photo I had of my baby Nicole before she died. The few items that my family handing down to me that they kept when they had to leave Poland .
    I have lived in so many houses that I made home for my family. Each time we moved I walked through the rooms and said goodbye.
    What you need to know is were ever you are is home. It is the love that makes a house a home.
    You are luckier than you know.
    Good luck with your new move.

    cheers, parsnip

  11. We bought our first home in 1993, our son was born in 1997 and we moved in 2010, it was very emotional for me, but we needed to do it and have found we are happy where ever we are because we are together and the memories are always in my head. x

  12. We moved from our family home 6 years ago, downsized to a place for just the two of us, moving day was very tearful, its amazing how your large empty house suddenly calls to you when it is empty of all your things. I am glad we moved, we still have those memories, loads of photo's and now we have created new memories here with our grandchildren. I even found it rewarding to sort out stuff we have had for years and pass it on. Our loft is still full of our daughters stuff, which I will never part with.

  13. Moving is always stressful and I know what you mean about family memories, but if the right house in the right place came up and I felt it click with me I would enjoy the change I think. You'll still carry all the memories in your heart xx

  14. We moved to the home we are in now when my two were toddlers, it was going to be the 'growing up' home to see them through school. Now Mr Teen has started College and Miss Teen is coming up to her last year in school and we are now getting the house ready for sale. The magnolia paint is replacing our personal taste on the walls. The family reminders are being boxed up so that the potential buyers are not distracted. Home is not beginning to look like home anymore but this house has served its purpose and it is now time for the next new family with their little toddlers to one day fill the rooms with little giggles and primary school paintings on the cupboards. It's hard to say goodbye to the four walls that have given so much pleasure, but the next adventure and memory maker is waiting for you. Take care xx

  15. Happy Easter - wherever that ends up being in the future! xx

  16. it's a big decision, we moved away from all our family 5 years ago, it was a big wrench, but still the right decision for us. the problem with things like this there is no black or white, right or wrong, there will be so many contributing factors pulling you one way or the other. you could try writing things down, it often helps put things in perspective more, and maybe ask the children to do the same?

  17. It's really like that. Moving out from your home leads to two simultaneous displacements in the form of time and place. We often lock our consciousness into a spot in the world we think of as home, which brings its own set of responsibiities. In any way, I hope that everything works out well and that you settle in nicely soon. Thanks for sharing that! All the best!

    Steve Beliveau @ Firstclass Building Inspections

  18. That was such an emotional piece! I have to say you brought tears to my eyes but as everyone has said you have to make new memories. If we never wanted to leave the past behind we would never do anything new and that is no way to live. Take lots of pictures and give thanks for the good times you have had there and move on. You will make lots of lovely new memories. All the best. xx

  19. That was such an emotional piece! I have to say you brought tears to my eyes but as everyone has said you have to make new memories. If we never wanted to leave the past behind we would never do anything new and that is no way to live. Take lots of pictures and give thanks for the good times you have had there and move on. You will make lots of lovely new memories. All the best. xx

  20. That tugged at my heart strings. were planning to move when the boys are older, Cornwall as you know, I have excitement that we can realise our dreams but reservations about leaving this family home, no 2 son has lived here from the age of 1. I have many happy memories of my lovely mum and mother in law here too. do I want to leave all that. I still drive past the top of the road where I was bought up and often want to just pop in and take a peak, dont think they would go for it though! but life moves on there are more memories to be made. do what ever feels right for you. xx

  21. I understand a little how you are feeling. After 25 years of marriage, my husband has decided "the marriage doesn't feel right' and has moved out. We will get divorced in due course. I won't be able to keep my home, but am hoping to maintain it until my son leaves school next summer. All 3 of us will then move in different directions - on the one hand quite exciting to be starting a new phase of life, but scary at the same time. But I guess a home is where people are, it's not the 4 walls. Good luck. x


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